10 Good Things About NOT Climbing

1.) You Bother Doing Laundry.

When you’re climbing every spare moment, you tend to become generally desensitized to your own smell- and that of others. Why bother washing your shirt when it’s just going to get sweaty and chalky again tomorrow? Not climbing, you become more aware of your own smell. The motive to wash it becomes logical…

2.) Food.

You need less of it. Less $$, less space in your pack, less time devoted to preparation and constant devouring.

3.) Dresses.

Ladies, amirite? Scarred into us are those harrowing moments in the change room, blind and devoid of oxygen as you struggle to escape from a dress you’ve just managed to wrestle over your back. Dress pants will do, right? Never mind the price tag not, JUST RIP IT. Now you can maybe get that cute little blue number…and- whether you shave or not- you’ll have a great body to show off.

4.) You Can Moisturize (and Sanitize)!

You’re scarfing down a hurried winter breakfast and you notice how scaled and dry your hands are when they brush against each other around your coffee mug. Thing is, you wouldn’t want to soften your hard-earned calluses. Awkwardly, you lather lather lotion with the backs of your hands, attempting to avoid raw skin and flappers. Same goes for soap and hand sanitizer after a day of granite. Now those paws can be soft and clean. Presentable.

5.) Holding hands.

Now not only will your hands be clean and soft, but holding hands will even become a possibility free from embarrassment. No worries about sweaty hands or explaining their white powder coating. No more upset feelings or flappers. No shame.

6.) Relationships

Yes, these may even creep back into your life. Suddenly your Friday nights and weekends will be open. Gone are the days of gym rat hermitude. Words other than beta and “dab!” may escape your lips. Slowly, with some growing pains, you will integrate back into society. You may surprise yourself by saying yes to a night out…Time to release that nice shirt from the back of your closet….

7.) Nail Polish

Suddenly, there is a point to a glossy mani/pedi, whether at home or the spa. Polish lasts for weeks! (Instead of grizzled chipping after an afternoon of crimps and climbing shoes) You could even get those jelly nail extensions…

8.) No more stealth stretching at class or on the job…

You sit in a meeting, surrounded by 30 other coworkers. You can’t quite stay still because YOUR PECS ARE ROCK FRICKIN HARD after last night’s wicked sesh on the proj. You wish you could knead them, try and get some of that tight, coiled mass to calm down. But that wouldn’t quite be acceptable in your current circumstance. So you lean backward slowly in your rolly desk chair, trying not to draw attention or roll away from the table. Engaging your core hurts. Sloowwly you slide each arm over the backs of the neighbouring chairs, feigning a yawn. O, sweet relief, good god, those are tight…yes…The lady to the left gives you a look. Your hands slide back onto your keyboard. *Poof!* No more!

9.) An empty trunk.

Gone are the constant chalk-spill, the assorted Clif bar wrappers (some full, some empty), the rope bags, the extra rope bags, the full rack, the helmet, the festering first pair of shoes you’ve retired, and the new ones. Your trunk almost smells good. Or bearable. You can fit groceries in there. You can almost invite non-climbing friends to stow their packs in it! Cheers!

10.) It makes you wanna climb more.

No more need be said…